In honor of the host city, Cardinal Puff is a demonstration sport.

And in a related story, a figure skater was stopped for driving under the influence. The arresting officer said she measured 5.8... 5.8... 5.9... 5.8... Then she bargained with a French cop, who gave her a perfect 6.0.

This is the home turf of one of America's most intriguing sports, polygamy. In the crowd you'll find men with more wives than suicidal terrorists will actually get to have in another life, along with kids who learn advanced math by counting their sibling relations. Notice I didn't say, "popular" sports. Legalities aside, it's irritating enough participating in the 100-meter take-the-trash-out at only one venue.

An athlete was questioned by security about the large hand grenade artwork on his jacket back. We're spending a third of a billion on security, right? Wasn't any of that applied to training the troops to understand that anyone openly displaying their enjoyment of explosives is obviously a snowboarder? Maybe if we could get the guys in the camp out carving some corduroy, they could tell who's the demon in disguise and who's carrying the cool look.

Members of the Polar Bear Club were spotted lurking around the outdoor venues, hoping for a strip search.

I've long realized that when security measures are detailed and elaborate, we're all safer. So I didn't mind when one guard asked me to turn my head and cough. That also saved me $10 co-pay.

The organizing committee needs some loosening up. How about combining events, with the possibility of winning in two simultaneously? After all, couldn't Eddie (the Eagle) Edwards get a gold in figure skating, since he was the first to do a quadruple Lutz, even if it was flying through space off the 90-meter ski jump?

I don't know how to explain the stratospheric athletic level of someone who tunes up for the 1,000-meter whatever by taking gold in the 500 and 1500. I can stand up on ice skates, and that alone beats most people.

Why is the fact that we won more medals than ever any kind of big deal? There's already too many events to name in a single lifetime, including 100-meter stamp-collecting, Nordic knitting, combined downhill team winking, and freestyle waving Hi to Mom.

Some Russian officials accused the U.S. and Canada of trimming one of their athletes in a skiing event. Canada must be thrilled they're finally accused of more than just existing. You're one of the big dogs, now, Canada! You just have to figure out how to win your own invention, ice hockey, a little more often.

Going 80-plus sans Porsche in ANY sport ought to earn the name, "Skeleton". Maybe out of politeness to other countries, we didn't nickname any of them, "Risk Hammering The Family Hardware And Win". Notice there weren't any memorable biffs? Maybe because there was no flaming fuel involved, although Jeff Bodine designed and built some of the equipment-- really. I remember when the goal for bobsled teams seemed to be to finish upside-down on fire in a ditch in the parking lot. Speed-skater Apolo Ohno ought to get a gold medal for Best Biff Recovery for CRAWLING 20 yards to a silver.

Russia, what's wrong, Buddy? You're whiny, you're holding back, you're conservative, you're playing it safe. We've seen you've got balls and this is not like you. Keep acting like some emotionally fragile weenie and we'll have to start calling you "France".

Any town that's not familiar with the hobby of driving while pickled isn't party headquarters. It was fun to watch Germans teach the locals how to get faced. A friend of mine became a fast legend for chugging a long-neck no-hands. This honor from people who watch Budweiser ads for the horses.

These games cost a wad, but we could afford them. The next ones, summer-style, are way bigger, and in Greece. How are they going to cover the ticket? They can't possibly jack prices anymore. I went to Atlanta six years ago, and Coke alone was so up-there, my only souvenir purchase was a t-shirt that read "Official Gouged Spectator Of The Summer Games". I heard, though, that in Salt Lake, the Canadian gear was flying off the shelves. A sharp eye for style, hurl-resistant, and priced right. Canada is DEFINITELY running with the big dogs now.

Last season, the Diamondbacks were a three-man team: Randy Johnson, Curt Schilling, and Luis Gonzalez, plus twenty-two assorted spare parts. They reminded me of two Phillies teams that played to very different fates. The ’64 Phillies were in desperation mode when Gene Mauch tried to get by with a two-man rotation of Jim Bunning and Chris Short down the stretch. They collapsed in the final two weeks. On the other hand, the 1980 Phils, like the Diamondbacks, had a three-man team: Steve Carlton, Mike Schmidt, and Tug McGraw. The rest of the roster resembled an expansion team, but they managed to win the World Series. Which way would the Diamondbacks go?

It has now been proven that a two-man rotation can take you all the way if you can get past the first 162 games. My first impression was that Johnson and Schilling comprised the most deadly pair of pitchers to hit the postseason since Koufax and Drysdale. I was also reminded of the ’57 Braves, with Warren Spahn* and Lew Burdette, and the ’68 Tigers, with Denny McLain and Mickey Lolich. In both of those Series, the sidekicks, Burdette and Lolich, stole the show from the No. 1 starter and ended up winning three games apiece. None of those precedents really fit what Johnson and Schilling did last year. They pitched about equally well in the regular season, and then they both turned into Koufax for the elimination rounds. I don’t recall another team with two starters who were that dominant throughout the postseason.

Schilling is a throwback, a horse, the only pitcher in the majors who will willingly go out and pitch games 1,4, and 7 like ace starters used to do. Some of that rubbed off on Johnson when he relieved in the seventh game after starting the day before. The setting became surreal at that point. It was November, in the Sonoran Desert, the wind kicked up, and it started to rain. During every season of the Diamondbacks’ existence, the Yankees had been champions. The most famous team in sports, from a city that had been under attack just a few weeks previously, was about to decide a World Series with a franchise that had only been around for four years. Yet, it was the new guys on the block who had the pitchers out of the 1960s.

There were a lot of quirky things that accompanied the 2001 Series. Even with a long tradition of Cactus League baseball, Arizona is kind of a bush setting for Major League ball. The Arizona Republic still publishes occasional primers on baseball rules, and they have the kind of crowds that yell “Balk!” when an opposing pitcher steps off the rubber. After Arizona won the sixth game, someone decided to play “New York, New York” over the loudspeakers, which caused Joe Torre to stop in the dugout and aim a Tony Soprano-like glare out toward the field. It was pure bush, which can’t be said for the President, who threw an actual called strike before the first game in Yankee Stadium. Why was Damian Miller having so much trouble with popups in that game? I’ve never seen a play like the popup that dropped near the mound and then rolled foul. In a couple of seconds, it went from easy out to ghastly error to foul ball, no harm done. How could Brenly have let Byun-Hyung Kim pitch to a lefthanded hitter like Tino Martinez in a game situation? For the final act, Mariano Rivera, maybe the most dependable closer in baseball history, blows a save in the biggest game there is.

Game Seven featured two, possibly three, and conceivably four Hall of Fame pitchers. One pitcher in that game who won’t get a plaque is Mike Morgan, but, in a way, he’s had the most remarkable career of any of them. His first appearance in the bigs was back in nineteen and seventy-eight. Since then, he’s rolled to a 140-185 record with a 4.22 ERA. His ERAs for the last four seasons have been 7.15, 6.24, 4.87, and 4.26 (at least they’re improving). He had two good years as a starter in the early nineties, but, to be honest, he’s been a bum for the rest of his career. The D’backs have him back in camp this spring, though. He must be one of those guys with a rubber arm who can come in and throw strikes anytime, and I’m sure he’s good in the clubhouse, a stabilizing influence on the staff, and all that. I don’t intend to demean Morgan - the best team in baseball still wants him on their staff, so he obviously has value. He’s living proof that stats can lie.

Schilling promised that the Diamondbacks had not won their last championship, but they’re an old team, and everything would have to break just right for them again. I don’t think that’s likely. As for the Yankees, they simply stopped hitting last year. Take note that Brian Anderson and Miguel Batista pitched well in their Series starts. It wasn’t just Johnson and Schilling; the Yankees weren’t hitting anybody. Brian Cashman, the Yankee GM, noted that their on-base percentage has been declining, and I think that’s a consequence of an aging lineup that has a hard time getting around on good fastballs. Patient hitting, trying to draw walks, is much harder than it looks. If you can’t handle the good heater anymore, you have to swing when you see something you think you can hit. You can’t afford to wait until you have two strikes. The Yankees have been aggressive in getting younger bats into the lineup for the coming season. Whether it works or not, they have the right approach.

The 2001 season and postseason had enough subplots to make for a good book or two. Unfortunately, a few days after the most fascinating and gripping World Series in years, Bud Selig unveiled his contraction scheme, just like the village idiot cutting a great big fart in church. No surprise, coming from a car salesman. Hey, Bud, take this offer back to your sales manager and tell him where he can stick it.

FOOTNOTE: Spahn had a habit of keeping a good #2 man around. Before Burdette, he was followed in the Braves' rotation by Johnny Sain, a coupling which is remembered by "Spahn and Sain, and pray for rain." Assuming that Arizona's duo is worthy of poetic immortality, I humbly offer this piece of doggerel: "Schilling and Johnson, then go flog your Johnson."

Darrin Fletcher - the name is not often found at the top of collector's wantlists. But the catcher will always be #1 in three Illinois collectors' minds.

Since 2nd grade, Brian Simmons and his friends Jon Foley & Tom have been friends with Darrin Fletcher. Darrin is the third in his family to play pro ball (his father Tom pitched for the Tigers in 1962 and his grandfather Glen pitched in the Phillies organization from 1938-48).

Brian recalled how he started collecting: "My collecting was slow to start. I really didn’t think about collecting a lot. He was my friend and I was happy he was making his dreams come true. I had my own life and things to do. But as time went on I realized I should be more aggressive about getting those items that had Darrin on them."

He has now amassed almost 200 cards including autographed duplicates and many other odds & ends. His favorite item is an autographed 1988 minor league Fletcher card. He also has a signed and framed jersey (his son also has a signed one that he wears!). The more "oddball" items in his collection include a Montreal bookmark and a Christian magazine featuring Darrin on the cover.

Collectors can sometimes teach athletes a thing or two when it comes to sports! Jon, who boasts a game-used Fletcher Dodgers bat in his collection, is currently helping Darrin with his bow hunting skills. Jon & Brian also have a photo of themselves with Darrin on the same Little League team many years ago.

So are these three the only Darrin Fletcher player collectors? There is at least one other active Fletcher collector online and has he ever been a thorn in their sides! The three of them had an agreement that once one spotted a Fletcher item they wanted on eBay they could bid on it without either of the others competing with them for it. Well, Merv would often snipe the auction at the last minute driving the price sky high (and often taking the item)! This troubled the three greatly. They contacted Merv by phone to try to reason with him but he has yet to be dissuaded. I guess all's fair in love and bidding wars!

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Question: Why do the Lakers and the Clippers play in the same arena? I think its dumb, why didn't the the NBA give The Forum to the Clips? That only seems fair right? What Do you think? (from Fidel)

Answer: It would certainly be nice to have an arena for each team out there. Having only one arena creates some weird scheduling conflicts. The NHL's Kings also play at the Staples Center. We're not sure exactly what the situation in LA is us, but it always comes down to taxes and arena funding.

Question: Do you think that the problem rests in George Karl's hands, and is not the teams fault? and if so do you think he should be fired? (from Fidel)

Answer: George Karl is a good coach and should not be fired, but sometimes you have to wonder about the things he does. His constant bashing of Big Dog and the Bucks can't be good for the team. I think the lack of consistency the Bucks have shown this year can be attributed to Karl. If he doesn't get things going in the playoffs (a notoriously bad playoff coach), then the Bucks may want to make a move.

Question: Do you think with all the problems that George Karl is having with his team they will move one or two of the big three? I think they are a better team without Glenn Robinson. Who would be interested in him if he is the one? (from John)

Answer: No, I dont think any of the Big 3 will get traded, but if anyone does it will most likely be Glenn Robinson. George Karl gets annoyed with his lackluster defense and they have Tim Thomas and another great shooter in Michael Redd waiting in the wings. Right now, I'm sure a lot of teams would be interested in Glenn Robinson, but is he available? With the trading deadline coming up, we shall see. But he will most likely stay put and help the Bucks to another run at getting to the Finals.

Question: What has happened to Dennis Scott? (from Ken H.)

Answer: The burning question, what ever happened to 3D? Well, the last I heard, he was was on the Lakers Training Camp roster and didn't make the cut. The last real team he played for was the Grizzlies, when they were back in Vancouver. He averaged 5.6 ppg off the bench. Whether he returns to the NBA remains to be seen.

Submit your questions in the Mailbag section of HoopsAvenue.com.

This column showcases questions or wants which have been preying on collectors' minds. If you can help them out, please contact them through The Card Board message board at http://www.oddball-mall.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=1

If you have a query of your own, post your own message at that address and you may find your question published here next month!

andygirl writes:
"I am looking for a life sized, cardboard cutout of John Elway. If anyone has one or knows of one, please let me know! Thanks!"

fmw3 writes:
"would like to know if anyone knows a value of a ripken jr. 23k gold card, made by bleachers. its the consecutive game streak card. #12031 of 36,000. also have another. its a 1995 a.l. superstars. 23k gold stamp #391 of 2131. first day of issue st. vincent and the grenadines. any info on these would be very helpful"

mannytee writes:
"hello fellow collector's; can anyone help me out here with a mint condition copy of: GARY CARTER: 1990 san francisco giant's 'mother's cookie' issue, #3??..looking to either buy/trade for this card, any help or contacts would be greatly appreciated..thanks, hope to hear from you, manny in florida"

jgmac asks:
"What are these worth: Akeem Olajuwon & Clyde Drexler UofH numbered jersey's"

flamarlins13 writes:
"I am looking for any of the following Joe Strong cards: 1990-92 Taiwanese league (Taipei) cards, 1998 Korean league (Hyundai) cards and 1999 Mexican league (Mexico City) cards. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks"

JOnzu writes:
"I have Topps Stadium Club 93-94 Jocelyn Thibault Debut (10.9.93) #479. My friend said that it could be worth a lot of $$$$$$$. I don't know, is it?! Help me please........ "

The contents of the respective articles represent the opinions of the individual writers and not necessarily those of the editor/owner of The Oddball Mall Sports Cards.

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